So far today I've had 1/2 a cup of fat free yogurt and 1 apple.
I had a huge meltdown at the drugstore yesterday. I was really tired.. I had woken up at 3 am and COULD NOT SLEEP. So I watched 3 movies until it was time to weigh myself. No progress after a day of 230 cals. After that I had half a piece of toast and nutella. We were at the drugstore trying to stock me up for the Big Move... and all of a sudden I just wanted to go home. I felt like my deadbeat sister... non-contributing, selfish, and exceedingly naiive. I didn't WANT my parents to buy me tampons (I shouldn't have enough fat to support a period anyway). I started crying uncontrollably, and I wouldn't let my mom buy me anything. We went home and I sobbed at the table for the better part of an hour.
I apparently was super hungry, because before I knew it I had eaten probably 3-4 chocolate chunk oatmeal cookies (in dough, I hate baked cookies) and half a piece of a cake I had baked the day before. I felt weak and SICK, and decided not to eat for the rest of the day... then I broke and had two cups of broth before I went to bed.
I'm going to get running shoes today!!... or at least that's the plan. I've just been using the ones around the house, but I should get my own pair for when I move or I will have an excuse NOT to get off my butt and do something.
I'm getting really scared to move. I cry about it all the time... I don't know if it's all about moving away from home or if part of it is just the calorie deficit of dieting. I'm deathly scared of gaining the freshman-anything... so I will need this blog more than ever in the coming months. I think I just need to make sure I'm taking my vitamins and have lots of veggies and fruit. They'll keep me nourished but keep my calories at a minimum.
Hoping to weigh less tomorrow, I need a weight loss high.... SUPER badly. Ughg come ON 115. Get on my scale already!
Tiny: Thank you for the congrats! Hopefully I'll have some better news tomorrow <3
Molly: Thanks for following my blog :) I find your words SO inspiring.
*ps: I need to buy a scale for when I move... anyone have a particular brand they trust to be accurate?*
Much Love,
Ace
Hey Hun, I hope you are feeling better :)
ReplyDeleteDid you pick up some running shoes? which ones did you get? I got some Reebok easy tones earlier in the year but they are just for walking.
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