Sunday, 31 July 2011

The Drudgery.

I hate having my picture taken. I REALLY hate having my picture taken....

... I'm going to have my picture taken. For over an hour. AND I'm paying money for it.

Why? Because I'm moving away to school this fall and my friends are going to miss-me-so-much-and-we-won't-ever-see-you-so-we-need-these-pictures-to-make-memories-and-like-stuff-and-stuff!!....

UGH I hate people sometimes. I like my friends or whatever... but this just SO isn't my thing. At all. Wish me luck, I hope I live through it.



Friday, 29 July 2011


This morning I am 1 lb below my starting weight. What a relief. The weight is finally budging! I'm on day 3 of my period... so I may or may not lose a little more when it's over. 

I'm off to Blaine Lake to spend some time with my aunt and uncle. Hopefully I'll be a little tan (and a little thinner) when I get back. Have a wonderful weekend beautifuls!



Some Beachy Thinspo :))

Thursday, 28 July 2011


I was getting frustrated about the scale not wiggling even a little bit... until yesterday when my monthly gift arrived. Hoorah. I guess that explains a little bit.

Today my sister wanted me to go shopping with her. Egg whites for breakfast, 175 mg of fat free yogurt for a snack. We went to Open Sesame with my cousin... (for those of you who haven't been... it's build your own stir fry) so I had shrimp and no starch, and had lots of bamboo shoots, bok choy, spinach, broccoli, and some tofu and a few oz of thin sauce... then loaded it with chili paste. My sister was crashing a few hours later for a snack, so we got no fat no sugar yogen fruz.... and then The Keg. Sigh. I had a piece of the bread, a french onion soup (picked out the croutons) and the spinach and pecan salad with the dressing on the side. Oh. And then she decided we should get the coffee ice cream pie.

I looked on the website later... and it was the lowest calorie option (besides the mini desserts) and I had half of it. I don't feel too bad right now, especially because we shopped for a good 6 hours (that's deducting our meal times and when we were sitting) so lots of walking around.

Planning on running in the morning. I ran yesterday and it felt much better than I remember it feeling. I think the lack of exercise was getting to my head. I'm used to around 10-15 hours of ballet a week. Going from that to next to nothing... bad idea.

Well, it is what it is. And I got some pretty stuff today :) Hopefully when my period goes some of the weight will go with it. I have a lunch date with my best friend at noon tomorrow.. I'll just skip breakfast. Already pre researched my selection. 300 cal salad. I'll put the dressing on the side to hack a little more off.

I'm so sleepy... I think it's time for bed. Was up at 7 today so it's been a long one. Hopefully the scale is kind to me in the morning.

Dream Thin Dreams



Monday, 25 July 2011

Oh Mondays.

The weather was so depressing here today. Overcast, but not chilly. Just warm enough to feel like the damn global warming apocalypse is upon us. And deter you from your best efforts of being productive.

I was going to have yogurt for breakfast... but we only have kinds I don't like.... like plain. And lemon. So I had rice krispies and soymilk. I ended up throwing most of it out though. Then lunch rolled around and I had a bowl of green salad with balsamic vinegar and some ham.

Only effective thing I've done today was run errands with my sister. We got approved for the condo today! So looks like we DO have a safe place to live in the fall. Yay for not being homeless!

I got home and had some veggie straws and then deli chicken and sauerkraut. My mom made sweet and sour meatballs and brown rice... and then there's leftover cornbread from our BBQ last night. It was tough to resist... but I thought about the scale I'll have to face tomorrow and tada! It didn't seem so delicious.

Tell me this my beautiful readers... I had this boyfriend for a LONG time. He moved away for 2 years and then he came back... we wrote letters all the while. When he got back we started dating again... but I knew something was wrong and I shouldn't stay with him. So I broke it off. He has since tried to get back together with me but I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. I felt confident with my decision and a lot of relief.

NOW he is dating another girl... which is fine. But when I see pictures of the two of them on facebook or hear about them from other people my stomach just turns. I should not be upset because I don't want to be with him anymore or tie into the lifestyle he leads.... but I AM!! UGH. Jealousy is rearing her ugly head and I do not like it.

Is this a NORMAL response? I don't know what to do about it. I am used to just getting what I want. :\ I HARDLY get jealous. Maybe I'll feel better when I reach my 5 lb weight loss goal. Or when I get the hell out of this town.



Sunday, 24 July 2011


I read on another's blog yesterday that if you cut your goal up into smaller pieces, you are more likely to reach your end goal. It apparently keeps you from getting discouraged. So I'm going to do that.

5 lbs. 5 lbs by August 24th... a day before my orientation. A little over a pound a week. Pfff. Easy.

I also finally got up the courage to get on the scale. I knew I had to so I tried to eat as little as possible yesterday. So I'm going to weigh every morning.

Lastly, I need to buy a scale for when I move. Does anyone know of a good one?

Today is Sunday. Which means Sunday dinner. At least I'm home sick today, no one will say anything if I don't eat much.



Saturday, 23 July 2011

Today I have eaten....

.... A cup of fat free yogurt and steamed cabbage with hot sauce. And 5 baby carrots.

It's 3:54 pm. 

Yesterday was bad. We were on the road all day... had to drive up and find a house. I had fat free yogurt for breakfast. By the time we were about 5 hours into our drive we stopped at Wendys... And I had a half size Berry Almond Chicken Salad... 270 cals. Less because I didn't use hardly any dressing or all the almonds... but for safety's sake we will go with that. After that we went to our appointments... and we took a break at around 3:45 and I had cucumber and carrots with hummus and tabouleh. Then... I had some chocolate. And on our way home I had about 6 oz of chili. (it came in an 8 oz bowl and I only ate part of it..) Then my dad decides he wants to go to Dairy Queen... so I had a small blizzard. Like 600 cals. So the damage is as follows...

Breakfast: 100
Lunch: 270
Snack: 350 (approx)
Chocolate: 300
Supper: 200
Dessert: 600
TOTAL: 1720.

Awesome. Whatever. Can't do anything about it now but try harder.

The good news is we found a place to live. A really nice 1200 sq foot condo with underground parking. Right by the bus station. It seems pretty safe too. So happy about that :)

We are apparently eating in about an hour. Salmon. And all sorts of carb-y disgusting things like buns and potato salad and stuff. Gross. I hate potato salad. It's all mayonnaise-y and eggy and white and sick. Blegh. Not even tempting.

Stay Stronger than Me. More soon. Love.


Tuesday, 19 July 2011


So yesterday I was sitting around... not doing much. I was wearing a pair of shorts. Little white ones I distinctly looking HORRIBLE in when I was younger. I got up, walked by the mirror... and did a double take.

My legs did NOT look disgusting. Sure, they need work. They need more tone and be a bit leaner. But... it was nice. It was nice to have a moment of lucidity and to not hate what I saw. I need a diet pepsi.

I now have a diet pepsi. :)

I realized something this morning. When I was at my thinnest.... I don't remember counting calories ONCE. All I remember is egg whites, cottage cheese and salad. Maybe that's the key for me. Maybe what I have to do is just eat ALL healthy food.... like safe ana food. The amount of planning calorie counting is taking is driving me ballistic right now. I have so much crap I have to get done for my move and for school.... Ugh I think I'd rather die than do any more mental adding. Maybe if I was less obsessed with food, I wouldn't care so much and therefore would have more self control.

Hey, it got me down to 109, and that's keeping ALOT of muscle tone. I could get lower if I had less.

I've been doing that method the last few days... plus some toast with peanut butter. It feels okay.

I went a bit crazy before... not bingeing or anything, just eating what I wanted when I wanted. Still good food... lots of green salad and lean protein. And then chocolate. Or ice cream. Or some other dessert I was dying for. I probably put a little weight on. I wouldn't know, I haven't been on the scale. Ugh I know it's bad.

My measurements are ABOUT the same... a little more on my bust. Weird. Hope I'm not getting back fat. My sister says she has noticed my boobs getting bigger, just like hers did when she was about my age. I guess that would be okay as long as nothing else did. My sister has a rocking body AND boobs.... and you can still see the bones in her chest. Lucky brat.

I'm going down to my uncle's cabin in about two weeks. Nothing but boating and tanning and wakeboarding for 4 glorious days. I'm really excited! My plan is to bring one pieces AND bikinis... and just wear what I want. I want to have a LITTLE tan when I get back at least.

I found a piece of thinspo to share... It really spoke to me. I have been feeling like maybe when I was thin before was the one shot I had at it.... and I messed it up. This made me feel better. More soon!