Sunday, 29 July 2012

Too many voices. Clouds in my head. So sick of talking about the wedding. Why can't everyone just SHUT UP????

Thursday, 26 July 2012

I broke today.

Spent the better part of the morning locked in the downstairs bathroom throwing up the fruit cocktail cake I binged on for breakfast this morning. I don't think I can bring myself to eat for the rest of today.

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Ack. I wish I had fun things to say!! My life is le boring lately. 

We went shopping for Isabella's trousseau yesterday... which was fun!... for the first 3 hours. (Keep in mind we have ALREADY gone trousseau shopping just a few weeks ago....) But it's finally done so we can all breathe easy. 

Meeting a couple of the roomies this Tuesday. And then I have to track down 3 more before the end of this week. Ugh. Down a little in weight today. 2 lbs to my lowest weight. Then it's (hopefully) downhill from there. It'll feel great to be back to normal again. 

My sister is back with her 4 very messy very active very LOUD children. Only till this Tuesday though, which is great! I don't mean to sound like a heartless b*tch or anything... it's just like.... I just want some peace and quiet. Without kids, without noise, without having to entertain others. And it's really difficult to keep anything healthy in the house because they just hoover it. Berries? Gone. Cucumber? Gone. Hardboiled eggs? Gone. Pretty much the only thing they don't eat of mine is the diet yogurt (that has aspartame in it...) But my other sister (who is a COMPLETE whack) eats a whole container in two sittings. It's like EFF OFF. If you eat kraft dinner, butter, bread, chips, cheese, cookies, pizza etc etc as part of your daily diet, you should have NO claim on the good stuff!! Let the people who are trying to be healthy at least have a shot. Yeah, I'd LOVE to have a slice of the hot, cheesy pizza we just got. But I'm not a boy, 5 years old, or breastfeeding. So no, I don't get to have it. So get the hell away from my cantaloupe. And boil your own damn eggs.

Speaking of my whacko sister... I can't remember if I gave her a name on here yet. Let's call her... Lexi. So Lexi is just this barrel of issues. Like... I don't even know if I can even begin. I'll try to condense it.

The below text is a massive rant about Lexi. If you just wanna skip all the purple text, feel free. But I just have to get it out. I can't even take it.

 Lexi has to do everything to a complete and utter extreme. First she wants to eat healthy. So naturally she restricts herself to a "treat day" (aka binge fest) once a month. Then she wants to be vegetarian. So OBVIOUSLY the best choice is to not eat eggs, beans, lentils, or tofu, and basically starve your body of proteins to the point of severe anemia. THEN she decides to eat meat again. So what does she do? Starts frying ground beef for BREAKFAST. Vomit. 

She decides that girls are too mean to her at school (it's high school, get over it you prissy bitch) so she gets homeschooled. She decides that her boobs aren't big enough. So she gets MASSIVE implants (like a size D... she's MAYBE 5'3. It looks friggin stupid). She decides to start dressing like a slut... so she buys EVERYTHING in a size 00/xs/petite. But guess what? Your chest is a size MEDIUM. So you just look like a tramp.

Then she decides that she wants white blonde hair like mine was. So she gets it dyed if she PROMISES to not flatiron it every day. So she promises she won't. But then, oh wait. She flatirons it every day for over an hour. Her hair is naturally dark, coarse and curly. And she's making it white and pin straight. So what does it do? Falls out, duh. So what is her solution? Make mommy and daddy buy her hair extensions so she can continue to bleach and straighten. 

She won't get a drivers license so she has to be personally chauffered every place she goes. She got married to a guy who she met online after three months. He was (as I told EVERYONE) a complete scumbag and she ended up racking up about $20 000 in emergency plane tickets home (then she went back because she missed him... TWICE), divorce lawyers, moving expenses, etc etc etc. Not to mention her stupid dog (it's a chihuahua.. named Bambi. Of course). She dresses it up in these stupid clothes. She pretty much starved it for the first few years so Isabella and I started feeding her cheese so she wouldn't die. Pretty sure she just wanted the dog to be as tiny as possible. Sick. It's an animal. Don't friggin project your shit on an animal. 

If you ask her she has a VAST history of sexual assault (BULL SHIT) dating back to when she was 3. She apparently remembers it (uhm, it's a psychological FACT you can't). Then her Iraqi boyfriend raped her (uhm, no. You messed up and you wanted to cover it up) then she got married to aforementioned dickhead, THEN she started screwing her college professor (she was having my mom DRIVE her to the college to go have sex with him. Did I mention he was her ETHICS professor??? Oh, the irony just slays me), and NOW she wants to date her BOSS (who wants to date her too) who is like 50 and has CHILDREN as old as her. 

She wants every male on the face of the planet to want to bang her.... INCLUDING mine and Isabella's boyfriends. She tries to make us feel ugly, fat, and terrible. When I was at my lowest weight (the year I barely made it through my performances) I was having a day where I just felt fat. I am red in the face bawling, and my mom is trying to tell me that I'm really thin. I look at Lexi and she just goes... "Well.... you're not really fat..."      .... Holy shit. If there's a time to bite your tongue and cram it, that was it Lexi. Good job. 

She is seriously robbing my mom and dad of ALL their money to buy her effing hair extensions, processed food (those 100 calorie dessert bars. She calls them granola bars. Stupid cow), skin and hair products, makeup, clothes that DON'T fit, stupid shit for her room, clothes for her stupid dog, tuition (where she met her professor she was screwing), practicum expenses, gas, therapists she WON'T go see (they don't understand her situation!!!!).... the list goes on. She can drop over $300 on a trip to the drugstore just to "pick up a couple things". 

I can't even stand it. I just want to shake her sometimes. Like, ALL of us have BEGGED her to stop it. My parents are beside themselves. Personally, I would tell them to tell her to bugger off. She wants to eat cheap shit, she can buy her own cheap shit. She wants to order things online? Get your own credit card and figure it out. She wants to go and sleep with her professors? Walk two blocks and screw to your heart's content. She wants to move halfway across the USA to get married? Fine. Don't expect a 5th plane ticket in the mail any time soon, much less someone coming out to GET your sorry ass. But... I'm not a parent. I have no idea what they must be going through. So I offer my opinion when it's asked for... but I try not to judge their decisions. They're wonderful people; it must KILL them to see her do this. 

I'm so angry at her. We try to help her time and time again. We try to save her from unneccessary grief. We try to remind her of what she's been through and help her not to make the same mistakes. What does she do? Pretty much tells us to kiss her ass and throws it in our faces. The rage I feel toward her is insurmountable. HOW can she do that to her PARENTS?? The people who love you and would do ANYTHING for you????? How the hell does that process in your friggin head that it's okay to do that? What is WRONG with you?!?!?!?!

One of these days I'm going to SNAP and just let her have it. All hell is gunna break loose and she'll be looking down the maw of the angry beast that's inside me. I hate her. I hate her for what she's done. I hate her for what she's doing and will continue to do until she utterly destroys herself and takes as many people down with her as she can. This can't (and won't) end well. 

Anyways. I better get dressed, I have to leave in about 30 mins. Sorry for the psychotic rant, hopefully it was overlooked for the most part. Love you girls, welcome to the new readers <3





Wednesday, 18 July 2012


Migraine. Puking.

Excuse for puking?! Don't mind if I do.

Went for a run. Bad decision? Course not.

So stressed with this house crap. Can't figure out how to organize it all. I need sleep.




Monday, 16 July 2012

Post Weekend-ed

Hello my Beautiful Girls.

The weekend was WONDERFUL. My dad ended up chauferring me.... due to the car registry's inability to renew my license. Frig. But it was good. I hadn't spent much time with him lately. We went to see that house... and it's BEAUTIFUL. Hardwood floors, new kitchen cupboards, a fireplace, en suite frontloading washer and drier... a firepit and a HUGE pile of firewood. So we were like... PURCHASE. Felt good.

Found 5 girls for sure sooooo... the house is filled!!! So relieved.

 Then I went to that party.... :) Me and Le Boy chatted for about an hour when I first got there... then I went and talked to other people and then met back up with him at the end. It had started POURING outside so I was standing with him by his front door and he saw the car I had with me (My dad's brand new Grand Cherokee) and he was like OMG. Is that yours? And I was like... wanna see it?? So we ran in the rain out to the car and ended up hanging out for another like hour. And then he was like... "hey so I'm coming down south in August for a family reunion! We should definitely get together!!" Which I didn't think he was going to do because he was so busy with work :) Yay!! He said he wanted to come down even earlier.... and I told him I would get my sister in law (who's great friends with his brother's wife) to convince them. So..... Wonder what he'll do with all that extra time?!.... :))

Went on a long run today with Isabella. I've eaten kinda weird today.... 2.5 hardboiled egg whites, 1/2 a cup of my homemade veggie chili (no sugar), a berry chicken salad from wendy's (I picked out the cheese and only had about 1/3 of the dressing), 1/2 cup of homemade spaghetti sauce made with extra lean beef, and a romaine salad with some miso sesame slaw and a drizzle of diet dressing on top. So kind of a lot... but nothing super terrible.

Me and my other sister (from the states) are gunna watch Jane Eyre. My life is so spectacularly interesting. Wish I had some more juicy gossip for y'all. Stay strong!!

Thanks to: Jackie, Missinsanity, and Thin Thrills (missed you too babe <3 glad to be back)




Friday, 13 July 2012


Hey Hey Beautifuls.

I know it's been a loooooong time.

I've decided that this blog is going to be less focussed on JUST my weight. I just need a place to ramble and rant, and of course my weight is part of that.

I guess I should gloss over what's been going on.... I am home for the summer, helping Isabella plan her wedding. I'm her Maid of Honor soooo.... pretty busy. She wants me to bake her wedding cake. I'll have to show pictures when it's all done :))

My weight has been a little all over the place. I've been down to 113 on my mean scale... which is the same as 108 on the scale I've always used. So a new lowest weight ever. Right now I'm a little higher... just working my way down at the moment. I'm about 3 lbs away from my lowest.... (116) But I usually hover around 114. My measurements are still smaller than they have ever been... which I don't understand. But I'm not complaining.

I'm sick today so I've been eating crap all day... But I've gotten ALOT better at purging... which I'm not really proud of. I guess it's good for the days that I just break.... but sometimes I can use it as an excuse to eat badly. Like oh, it's not a big deal I'll just take care of it later. Either my family is just adopting a "don't ask don't tell" attitude or they are exceptionally unobservant. If they are noticing... I'm thankful for their discretion.

As far as everything else... I'm heading back up north tomorrow to look at a house I'm going to be renting with 5 other girls. That means LITTLE or NO privacy. But I'm excited.... it got pretty lonely in my apartment near the end. Isabella moved out shortly after my grandma passed away... and started dating her new boyfriend (now fiancee) Then I had this CRAZY roommate that ate my food, drank my diet pepsi, left the place filthy all the time, put my brand new set of pots in the DISHWASHER (effing retard) and then to top it all off she flooded the hallway when I told her I was breaking the lease. Can't even talk about it. I like the girls that I'm moving in with though... they seem really sweet and really fun. We are taking this house right off Whyte Ave, it's full of quirky little shops and my new obsession: Tutti Frutti. Love my life.

I'm staying in a hotel ALL BY MYSELF Saturday nite... kind of a fun adventure :) Unless my mom comes with me... seeing as my freaking license is EXPIRED and the car registry can't renew it till MONDAY. Frick me.

So... there's this boy. That I like. Alot. We got set up by his brother... who's MY brother's really good friend. We went on two AWESOME dates. He's just really easy to be around and fun to talk to. And SOOOOO cute. :) And then I moved home for the summer and he stayed up there to work. Sigh...

...I'm totally jumping the gun. But I can't help it... it's been SO long since I've liked a guy. He invited me to his summer bash tomorrow... And I'll just happen to be there because I'm looking at that house!!... So I'll have to update at the end of the weekend. I have to decide what to wear...!!

I have missed all you girls. I'm gunna go read some of your blogs and see what you've been up to.