Meltdown? Sure, why not.

Yesterday I didn't eat my apple and had a 100 cal mug cake with fat free cool whip instead. I also had a complete mental crisis. Sigh, I feel like I have alot of those :/

I'm just so homesick. I hate this city. I hate this horrible bus I'm sitting on. I hate getting up for school, throwing myself on the floor to do pushups and triceps and ab workouts and leg lifts every morning. I hate drinking water. I hate counting these stupid calories. Normal people don't count hard boiled egg white calories.

I hate being so alone. I hate isabella. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. I was sitting at the table studying last night for 2 major tests this week... And she waltzes up and demands I get skype working for her on MY effing computer no less to talk to that boy that is MY FREAKING age!!! I had to blast my iPod to drown them out.

It's just so unjust. She gets to make horrible decisions and mess up her life and well look at that, this just falls into her lap. Me... I've tried so hard to know what to do thats right. I've tried to be the best I can and here I am. 120.5 pounds for the third day in a damn row, hating my life.


I just feel like such a disappointment. I can't even keep my weight down. Everything seems so bad right now. I feel like I could crawl out of my skin. I can't wait for tonight, I can lock myself in my bathroom and cry until I can't anymore.


Packed this today:
B: 2 egg white 34
2 yog. 70
L: bit of chili. 200
Lettuce. 30
Grated cheese.90
S: apple. 80
Running total: 504

Should give me an ok buffer for a small supper. Maybe soup. Bring me up to 700 cals. Not like it matters anyways. I'll probably way even more tomorrow.

Ace

X

Special thanks to: stillimagining and friend of Ana. Your support makes me feel less alone. So grateful for you girls.