My legs did NOT look disgusting. Sure, they need work. They need more tone and be a bit leaner. But... it was nice. It was nice to have a moment of lucidity and to not hate what I saw. I need a diet pepsi.
I now have a diet pepsi. :)
I realized something this morning. When I was at my thinnest.... I don't remember counting calories ONCE. All I remember is egg whites, cottage cheese and salad. Maybe that's the key for me. Maybe what I have to do is just eat ALL healthy food.... like safe ana food. The amount of planning calorie counting is taking is driving me ballistic right now. I have so much crap I have to get done for my move and for school.... Ugh I think I'd rather die than do any more mental adding. Maybe if I was less obsessed with food, I wouldn't care so much and therefore would have more self control.
Hey, it got me down to 109, and that's keeping ALOT of muscle tone. I could get lower if I had less.
I've been doing that method the last few days... plus some toast with peanut butter. It feels okay.
I went a bit crazy before... not bingeing or anything, just eating what I wanted when I wanted. Still good food... lots of green salad and lean protein. And then chocolate. Or ice cream. Or some other dessert I was dying for. I probably put a little weight on. I wouldn't know, I haven't been on the scale. Ugh I know it's bad.
My measurements are ABOUT the same... a little more on my bust. Weird. Hope I'm not getting back fat. My sister says she has noticed my boobs getting bigger, just like hers did when she was about my age. I guess that would be okay as long as nothing else did. My sister has a rocking body AND boobs.... and you can still see the bones in her chest. Lucky brat.
I'm going down to my uncle's cabin in about two weeks. Nothing but boating and tanning and wakeboarding for 4 glorious days. I'm really excited! My plan is to bring one pieces AND bikinis... and just wear what I want. I want to have a LITTLE tan when I get back at least.
I found a piece of thinspo to share... It really spoke to me. I have been feeling like maybe when I was thin before was the one shot I had at it.... and I messed it up. This made me feel better. More soon!
Ace
You sound just like me. Back when I was about 105 and looked in the mirror, I actually thought I looked skinny. I'm glad you're realistic through this and can see progress! Also I eat treats now and just knowing they aren't off limits has helped me dramatically. Toast with nutella is the best!
ReplyDeleteWow 105! That's like my UGW! I hope I can get there.
ReplyDeleteOhh nutella. SO yummy! I'm a sucker for anything with cream cheese... deadly!
I agree with allowing yourself treats now and again. It's like a proven fact you can endure more pain if you know you can stop! So a mindset like... "I can have a treat if I REALLY need it... but I don't need one right now."