Nerves.

Tomorrow is my next measure. You know those times when you are totally positive you've done ALL you can do and it's just like... "Come what may, I have nothing to be ashamed of!"?....

... this is NOT one of those times.

I had a good day yesterday: went on a run, ate really light... lots of liquids yogurt and fruit. Went to Xmen (which was fantastic).... had half a pita and a little light cheese for supper. Then I went to my cousin's lacrosse game and he came over afterwards to hang out.

My sister made peanut butter rice krispies. And I had to bake a cake for Father's Day. I figured I'd just have some of the rice krispies and be done with it... but then one of the layers of the cake ripped in half. So then I stupidly let myself try it.... and ended up eating 2 ramekins full with milk. I felt so sick I was incapacitated on the bathroom floor for about half an hour.

I somehow made it to the shower and turned the hot water on full blast and just curled up and stayed there for almost an hour.

Decided to just fast today... just polished off 32 oz of water. Gotta go refill my water bottle once I'm done this. I'll try to get out of going to supper... and if I can't I'll stick to green vegetables.

I need to rant for a minute....



I HATE FOOD. Food is SO SO SO disgusting!!! Look what it does to me.... it makes me so sick I can barely stand up. Ana warned me. She warns me every day. But do I listen? No, of course not. I tell her to cram it and then proceed to cram MYSELF... with food. UGH. Stupid stupid stupid. And what do I get for it?? Only what I bring upon myself. Fatness. Ugly dirty filthy FATNESS. It just PILES on you at any opportunity. I hate fat. I HATE fat. And food. Food = Fat!!!!!

I'm so disappointed in myself. I KNOW this happens. I knew when I took a fork to that layer of cake.

*sigh*

I guess all I can do is do better tomorrow... and remember how I felt today to prevent me from messing up again. I need to keep this feeling. This DETEST for anything sugary. It makes me sick to even think about it. I had to frost the cake and the syrupy smell made me SO sick.

I don't even think I like ice cream anymore. They pay me like crap but at least they've killed that vice. So THANK YOU MARBLE SLAB.

Terrified to weigh and measure tomorrow. Heaven help me.

Ace